once again, test date on 29th feb 08 which is fucking faraway! let it be then. enrol for bikeee!
boring..
face the f**king fact that i've failed the test. all over again? indeed and i've got no more time to lose. quit and join the previous company? i would like to but i dunno how to put my words into action. like a lost lamb floating in space..
didnt even know what im thinking right now, so how do i know which step to take? my target is set but how to keep things going on, i wouldnt want to set high hopes to find myself having a greater disappointment in the end.
if i cant get an earlier slot, meanwhile i'll take riding. gonna be a lil hard but i reap what i sowed so maybe thats why i'd failed yea?
1. get what i want then
2. leave
3. get a new job
4. get a test date meanwhile
5. take up riding
while waiting
6. save up
7. work hard
8. by may 3k
9. by june aprillia 125!
so far, i'll stick to this plan then.
WHO WHAT HOW WHEN WHY
stop whining and get some confidence! thanks all those darlings who really cheers me up and putting their hopes on me. haax
i'll try my very best and not to disappoint y'all..
in 11 more hours, here i go! give it my best shot and get it over and done fast once and for all!!! way to go girl!
i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it i CAN do it!!!!!! woo hoo!
2 more days to go.. accepting all best wishes from now on! haax
i've got a lil secret. vonn knows. sarah knows too, as well as some other peeps. definitely not him, and he's gonna be the last to know- a secret which i have to keep till next year haax.
might be too early to say or even plan but thats wat gives me ample time to save up too. good luck to myself then, even if i have to bring bread to work. there's times like yesterday when i nearly blurt out but i really have to have stong determination to keep tat in mind. thats supposed to be a surprise yea.. fretting over how the surprise should goes. help me with some suggestions! haax
counting down again.
3 more days to go~
vonn's starting school tmr and i'll be lonely at nike =( haax. on wed, if i fail, several ppl will receive my call and if im crying u guys will know i've failed haha. if i pass, serveral ppl will receive my call too and i'll be screaming my heart out saying yea mann! i passed! haha. then vonn will see me outside her school after lessons cos i'll be fetching her home then.
praying real hard..
4 more days to go. holy shit
goddamnit. counting down the days to my tp- 5 more days to go!
am i really prepared to go thru the test? trying hard not to think bout it though impossible. everytime it comes into mind, i feel my heart pace fast. i know i will panic on that day, now i cant do anything but try to settle my heart down. i know i cant afford to fail, im even worrying bout where to get the money for the test. my mom and dad will have a heart attack.
this driving had gotten me into a real mess. im struggling and suffocating from all the financial support its draining me of. i've worked part time but all the money goes into it, i had to sought help from my parents which all along, im very unwilling to. they've got their own problems too.. indeed i shopped, lemmi see.. its my first time getting 2 shoes at one go, my first shopping spree in 19 years. maybe not even a shopping spree yet, just few clothes and trying to find stuffs at the most budget rate.
and the next problem surface, wat full time job should i look for? i have to start saving for my dip course and his bdae present after getting my license. thats why i cant afford to fail! i dont want to postpone my plan again, especially my studies.
oh god, god, god, god, god.. just let me get this over fast. suffocating, in fact suffocated.
pray real hard. humans, thats what they'll do when they're desperate..
as i was updating my friendster profile, i flipped thru past comments my friends left for me. indeed they brings back all the good memories, so sweet yet on the other hand, sad as everyone's busy leading their own lives now. people do move on and im glad i still have some who move on together with me.
so flattered and honored but as stated in the comments, am i really as nice as what they define me as? its feels good to be treated nicely and i'll still be the same, trying my best to be nice to all my friends =)
we walked the sands.
though some went seperated ways,
but im glad they left footprints behind.
and im most fortunate to have some,
who walked with me throughout.
footprints are just like memories which leaves a trail in your mind.
>pray hard no high tide please..
after.nike elush hollywood night nike power!!
i had a great deal of fun today! my first dinner and dance in 19 years and i enjoyed it thoroughly. we rented costumes and met up at traders hotel after work to change into those outfits and started taking so much photos before the dinner starts, like we're all some kind of stars eh.. von- cleopatramaybelline- snow whiteme- robin hood zarifa- captain jack sparrowis- harry potterlandy- flintstoneash- spidermanalvin- austin powersand many more.. the emcee prepared some games for us and it was hell out of fun mann, divided into 2 groups; sexy and horny and competed thru out. hmmm, the food's not bad too.. the best part, i just cant imagine myself in robin hood outfit with running shoes dancing RnB on the dance floor and i did. the rest were there too so it doesnt really feel awkward haha.. lotsa ppl join in the fun too and soon after that we had the bess dressed competition. everyone gotto do a catwalk and i totally throw my face away, jammed up halfway and walk back with a tomato face. haha paragon is real cool. everyone participated in the dressing, wheelock's not bad too with me and zaini and some.. the most sportaneous definitely goes to paragon. guess thru out the competition there's only paragon and wheelock. the rest of the outlets wore formal.. awww. results........landy and zaini walks off with a $150 cash cheque for getting the most votes.during the lucky draw, paragon's staffs won the most prizes. in fact for different kinds of prize giving, there's definitely paragon included. they're all so funky. me? not bad, i won a pair of shoes. $50 for the costume rental but its totally worthwhile. i love dinner and dance!!
dinner and dance tmr! had no idea what to wear yet. pirates of caribbean, captain jack sparrow? orlando bloom in lord of the rings? harry potter? awww, gonna see what the costume shop carries first.. eat up all the foods and bottoms up is something im prepared to do hahaha!
my first dinner and dance in 19 years. hope it'll be lotsa fun!!
bann zouk!! haha.. the music sucks =( its kind of a disappointment as we intended to have real fun clubbin together before von starts school. well, we went out with the right group just that we chose the wrong place. we should've stick to MOS yea? haha
its soooo packed and we really had to squeeeeze our way out, friggin warm at the dance floor and just a teeny weeny space to dance. pathetic? phuture gotto expand it sq metres and add nice songs in and it'll be best ah.. haha
though not as wat we expected, but within ourselves we joked and laughed heartily while having supper.. so i guess the best part is not about the place but the company we had. cheers to everyone!
yesterday,
though it get cloudy but it din rain! so happy.
its so nice to have a good picnic together. sandwiches, nuggets, tidbits yumm.. well, fifi can swim but she's too old to swim for long but polo's good at it mann. =) the water wrestling would be a draw eh? haha
watched resident evil after that and i guess part 4 will be very nice too. then, supper at timah- heh heh heh fattening! woah its been a long day, im all worn out.
today,
awhile more im gonna take a nap to conserve my energy for clubbin later on. get high! and have fun all the way. so excited but confused bout wat to wear still. he's tired, din get enough slp after a tiring long day yesterday but really hope he'll be there as well..
its raining now.. gosh, hope and pray hard that it doesnt rain tmr.
von, wk, fei min, jason and leon..
its gonna be my first time bringing fifi out for a swim. fei min's bringing her pup too! damn excited la. we're going to have a real picnic this time round. with sandwiches and oh! damn, i forgot bout getting drinks..
awww, have an additional bag to pack. fifi's bag haha!
lets play 3v3 for the water game. im going to train not to laugh! its war time!!
@ starbucks. a snap shot vonn took, my toot face! haha i should face it, im on candid camera! =)
its been a lovely day though it rained for a lil while at the end.
a lovely time i get to enjoy with him and my marshmallow. a couples' outing where the both of us had our other half as company and didnt get bored.
well, its starting to get funny..
couple #1- ling and leon
couple #2- von and wk
the four of us swam together and had a lil romantic private time in the waters. end up #2 challenged us for a water game. we sat on the shoulders of our boy and tried to push either one to see who falls into the water first. well, im the one who drops into the water all the time cos i've been laughing non stop.
...
#2 went to get slurpees so we looked after the belongings and played volleyball. awhile later, we went into the waters and god, he's being real sweet! =) all along, im in his warm arms. feels myself in happiness. though dramatic but there's only us in the waters while he sang some short tunes. sorry guys, those are dedicated specially for me only! haha
we should have drove our way in and brought fifi along. next week! im gonna plan for more sentosa outings..
Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.
just in time for the swim after my driving though i missed the gym workout. there's still other chances yea? im so excited and had the urge to plunge into the pool but nahx, have an image to keep. woohoo! hahaha.. after the swim, we went central and had subway for dinner. cant believe me and sarah ate a foot long of sandwiches each!
tmr me and von will have our own plan. sentosa! here we go! its been soooo long since we last went for a swim, tann and picnic at palawan beach. this time round, with our other half and im even excited mann.. too bad sarah says she got something on, we'll arrange another time with u then!
oh pls, dun rain on us.......
say whatever u guys want. i dun give a damn anymore.
its not that i din make the first step to approach but since no one appreciate that, i can say i jolly well no need u guys anymore. maybe in the first place to know this group is a mistake.
im all and all satisfied enough to have my usual own group of friends, my real family.. those who accept who i am and doesnt question my character at all.
oh mann. im damn hungry =)
i saw them, they didnt see me though. dont know why my heart paces.
i avoided that area and leaves as soon as i withdrawed my cash. didnt bother to say hi at all.
since no one bothers, why should i in the first place? which makes me look like a dumb ass few days ago..
time we've known each other isnt short. 5 years. says we're very close, treats me like a family but doesnt seem so. instead, i've come to realise 5 years of friendship is only superficial, so shallow and so, just admit it.
i dont want to pin point and blame anyone but seems like there's this someone who's making up stories and making this canal deeper and wider. just because i've chosen a different path doesnt mean u can question my character. all along im true towards all my friends and stop looking at things only on the surface.
i can announce to this friggin world, that i've come out of the box. i've chosen the boat instead of the dock. life's all about taking risks, staying at the same spot for fear of taking a step and fall down wont get u anywhere. by preventing yourself from exploring, u wont get to see life at a different way so.....
a penny for my thoughts- breaking up is better than betraying. so wat if i've chosen someone else? at least there's no need for me to lie to myself and others.
ps: if anyone's gonna lie to your partner, think twice cos u're making yourself miserable and others miserable if the truth comes to light. if u want to lie, make sure you're capable of taking it to your own grave in future. i've made mistakes too and this is what i've realised..
woke up to find no answers for the questions i had in mind.
falling asleep to get some answers but to no avail.
not even a dream..
its been a very nice evening out shopping with him. we got havanas and went billy bombers' for a nice cup of cookies n cream shake.
marina square's billy bombers', the first time we went together and he knew i loved it.
even before i finish my sentence, he completed it for me- lets have billy bombers' cookies n cream shake after shopping. =)
too bad, the evening ended in just a flash. time flies when im with him and how i wished time could just stop there.
back again at home, my heart drops thinking of everything i've heard. no one can give me an answer and i've been hoping for my dream to help me then.
tell me, do trust, faith and hope really exist? i'll be picking up broken pieces of glasses in the end. the glasses of trust, faith and hope.. shattered within seconds.
shuling
06 dec
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