[[ life, less ]]

Monday, September 29, 2008

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you cant get over the fact that i chose to smoke with that pimp, and thats how i feel when you compare me with that whore. dont this kind of life irritates you? evolving around us are pimps and whores, arent you tired of all these? you dont intend to end all these and again, it seems that im the only one who's putting up all the 'stop' signs. you're still contacting her? i would be so happy if she dont contact you for one whole day. everywhere we go, everywhere we are, she just couldnt stop calling you. i had enough ok.

yea, we're trying things out for now but everything doesnt change, things are how it used to be before we broke off, with her around. i had told you before that its gonna be never ending, and you still dont intend to do anything about it? just let her call you while you ignore all of 'em? i had told you before that i wont know how long i can take all these and soon its gonna reach my limits. dont say that i dont allow you to contact girls. you should know clearly that all along i dont mind till the day she came into the picture. of all girls, she's the ONLY one i had mind about. you dont like it when some guys call, you think they're your threat. same for me, i seriously mind bout her as she pose a threat ok.

i had enough of all these. freak

[[ cheers ]] |3:15 PM|

Monday, September 08, 2008

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anyone out there troubling bout what to get for me as a gift? this is it! haha

[[ cheers ]] |2:05 AM|

Friday, September 05, 2008

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"she's getting over it and starting new life. i should get over it too." i dont dare to come into assumption that he's referring to me but in fact, he is. he says i've changed and he thought this is the life i always wanted and is much happier now. he says im having lotsa new friends and enjoying it but what he see is only what he see, he doesnt understand my feelings deep down. what i really wanted is to have a peaceful and stable life, back to the days when we were really happy. dont i want a life taking care of our pets, going into JB, looking at new pets and shop around? dont i want to rest and relax, watch a movie after a tired working week?

like i told you before, everywhere i go reminds me of you. im lucky to have friends who's willing to accompany me, so that i wont think so much. like i told you before, the heart feels so empty and lonely without you- i choose to avoid, to go out everyday cos im scared and dont want to be alone. you're the one who told me to start a new life and everything will be fine yet im the one who cant do it. after that day, i did think things through. i've told my closest friends that i've moved on, and i no longer think of you anymore. i realize im lying to myself again. whether i'll wait is no longer an issue cos i'll let fate and you to decide. if you think there's not even a single space for another chance, just tell me and i'll really move on with my life. i still remember that you used to tell me not to sink too deep into this relationship, its true we never know what's going to happen in the near future but since the day i said i love you instead of i like you, its the day im willing to commit. yet you are the one who's not willing to and ended up liking a whore. in the near future? this is what happened.

you're always hot and cold, its hard to keep up with your pace. well, í've learnt to look on the brighter side of life.

[[ cheers ]] |11:45 AM|

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

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ten over days of hell, i've thought things thru. i dont blame him for the fact that i feel so cheated yet it still kind of irks me at the thought of being compared with a whore. she's understanding and has a nice body? thats crazy and bullshit. which whore doesnt acts understanding enough to earn more bucks? which whore doesnt acts like she's an angel?

i will leave all decision to him, i dont know if i should still wait or move on? everyone's asking me to move on thats for sure but either way, i wouldnt want to regret the second time. pace around, remain at the starting point and wait for the race to end? his msn nick- 'she's getting over it n starting a new life. i should get over it too.' who is he referring to? i hope my guess isnt wrong this time. i can only say 'your photos, your toothbrush, your towel- is always here.' i hope he's referring to me and i hope that he'll be able to see my nick.

i've ever thought, what if we get together again? will things be the same? will he be able to stop contacting that whore again? he'd done it once, like a whore and anytime he can do this to me the second time. sometimes i feel like he's just making use of me. to fetch him and to collect the tanks, contact me when he needs to place a bet or to seek my advice regarding something he's unsure of. i know i should stop being his puppet if i really think that he's making use of me. i've told von that i no longer care about him, i've told komathi that i wont want him back if he cant give me any assurance and i just realize i lied. all along i've said all these becos im avoiding deeper feelings and becos of the fustration at the thought of being compared with a whore. deep down, i still think of him and deep down, my heart still aches when i talk bout him. Edmund ever told me, that i still love him cos i still talk bout him and my expression changes at the thought of him. i always say im fine as usual though.

what does he want actually? the both of us at the same time? thats impossible and f*cking crazy. he's always hot and cold, i dont know what he's thinking bout and no one's able to tell me the answer.

[[ cheers ]] |1:00 AM|